First off, don’t be offended by this post. It’s not you. It’s me. I know people always say that when they’re about to break up with you, but in this case it’s actually true.
It’s time to cut some ties.
It’s my blog, but lately I feel like I don’t belong here. I stop in, dust off the dashboard, and then sit down, determined to write. But the words that have been coming out lately don’t match the ones that came before. They’re different. They are not glib. They are not funny. They are awkward and personal, so I delete them and start all over again, only to watch the pattern repeat itself.
The end result is a lot of frustrated drafts and very few new posts. The posts I do write feel hollow and phony, so I turn my attention elsewhere and try not to think about them, but they bother me.
I’m one of those people for whom writing has always been intensely personal. Theraputic even. It’s not a want, it’s a need. Since I was a kid, I’ve loved the challenge of creating something on paper and the feeling I get when I use words to paint a picture that makes someone smile or touches their emotions. With a blog, feedback comes quickly, and when the comments and responses and smiley faces arrive, they’re addicting. In my case, I’ve fallen into the trap of being more concerned with writing what I think people want to read instead of writing what I feel like writing.
In short, I’ve become a victim of my own branding, and it’s all gone to shit.
Please don’t get me wrong. I like what I’ve written here. There are two years of posts behind this dashboard, and I’m proud of them. Some of them aren’t even half bad. Unfortunately though, they are only a small part of the picture that I’m trying to create, and I hate feeling like I’m not allowed to use some of my other paintbrushes for fear that they result in colours you don’t come here to see.
So, as a result, I thought long and hard about unplugging this whole thing altogether and starting fresh in a different place under a different name, but I changed my mind. At the end of the day, the canvas makes little difference. It’s the words that matter, and they might was well go here as anywhere.
I do feel the need for a fresh start though, and that means culling the clutter that’s distracting me, so I’ve shaken up my blog like a great big etch-a-sketch. The old posts are gone to make room for the new. A fresh day, a fresh start, and a fresh voice. I’m excited to see what it sounds like.
Hopefully you’ll like it, and you’ll consider popping by once in awhile to see what’s going on.
But with all due respect, that’s no longer really the point.