Humour me, everybody, for just this one post while I get this out of my system. The blue ink’s barely dry on the fancy new JPEG in the sidebar, and today I’m going to risk boring you by talking about – gulp – my recent Freshly Pressed-ness.
For those of you who haven’t yet had the privilege, let me give it to you straight so you don’t get the wrong idea. From the outside, being Freshly Pressed may seem like a non-stop whirlwind of fabulous parties, glamorous people, fancy clothes, secret handshakes and unending autograph requests, but the reality is… well, exactly that. I wish I could tell you otherwise, folks, but being Freshly Pressed is freakin’ awesome.
Over the course of three glorious days last weekend, my notification numbers flew off the charts, I practically suffered vertigo from staring at the new peaks in my stat graph, and I received more random comments from people I’ve never met than that year I rode the downtown bus while dressed in my Bananas-in-Pajamas Halloween costume.
But don’t worry – I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking now that I’ve tasted a tiny bit of success and – albeit accidentally – touched a fingertip to that holy grail of the WordPress world, I’m going to go soft and lose my edge.
Well, I promise you that won’t be the case. That new FP badge won’t change me. You have my assurance that I’ll work doubly hard to make sure your visits here are worthwhile. From the time I get up in the morning to yell at Phineas, my new Peruvian gamekeeper, for overfeeding the swans again, to the end of the day when I’m standing on fresh rose petals and selecting which colour handmade silk robe to wear while Siobhan, my private harpist, lulls me to sleep with her dulcet chords during my postprandial somnolence, I’ll be focusing all my spare energy on stringing together paragraphs that are hopefully worthy of you clicking the “like” button.
Seriously though, I do want to offer my sincerest gratitude to everyone who stopped by and threw a few kind words my way. I’m truly appreciative for every new follower, and I’m gratefully indebted to my original followers who for some reason have tolerated me from the start. You are all rock stars in your own right, and I adore you.
And fortunately, reality lies ever waiting to keep me grounded by poking its stick in the spokes of my Freshly Pressed unicycle of fame. Why just the other day at one of my favorite restaurants, someone interrupted me while eating.
“Hey, are you…?”
“Why yes, I am,” I announced. “I’m Ad-libb3d, renowned blogger of recent Freshly Pressed fame, whom you’ve obviously recognised from my Gravatar. I’d love to sign something for you, but can it wait until after my meal?”
“No dickhead, I just wanted to know if you are finished using that salt shaker. My table doesn’t have one.”
Oh fame, you are such a fickle temptress.