Freshly Pressed and partying like a rock star. You may now commence your eye-rolling.

Humour me, everybody, for just this one post while I get this out of my system. The blue ink’s barely dry on the fancy new JPEG in the sidebar, and today I’m going to risk boring you by talking about – gulp – my recent Freshly Pressed-ness.

For those of you who haven’t yet had the privilege, let me give it to you straight so you don’t get the wrong idea. From the outside, being Freshly Pressed may seem like a non-stop whirlwind of fabulous parties, glamorous people, fancy clothes, secret handshakes and unending autograph requests, but the reality is… well, exactly that. I wish I could tell you otherwise, folks, but being Freshly Pressed is freakin’ awesome.

Over the course of three glorious days last weekend, my notification numbers flew off the charts, I practically suffered vertigo from staring at the new peaks in my stat graph, and I received more random comments from people I’ve never met than that year I rode the downtown bus while dressed in my Bananas-in-Pajamas Halloween costume.

Fine, take another picture, but could you please stop going through my garbage?

But don’t worry – I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking now that I’ve tasted a tiny bit of success and – albeit accidentally – touched a fingertip to that holy grail of the WordPress world, I’m going to go soft and lose my edge.

Well, I promise you that won’t be the case. That new FP badge won’t change me. You have my assurance that I’ll work doubly hard to make sure your visits here are worthwhile. From the time I get up in the morning to yell at Phineas, my new Peruvian gamekeeper, for overfeeding the swans again, to the end of the day when I’m standing on fresh rose petals and selecting which colour handmade silk robe to wear while Siobhan, my private harpist, lulls me to sleep with her dulcet chords during my postprandial somnolence, I’ll be focusing all my spare energy on stringing together paragraphs that are hopefully worthy of you clicking the “like” button.

Seriously though, I do want to offer my sincerest gratitude to everyone who stopped by and threw a few kind words my way. I’m truly appreciative for every new follower, and I’m gratefully indebted to my original followers who for some reason have tolerated me from the start. You are all rock stars in your own right, and I adore you.

And fortunately, reality lies ever waiting to keep me grounded by poking its stick in the spokes of my Freshly Pressed unicycle of fame. Why just the other day at one of my favorite restaurants, someone interrupted me while eating.

“Hey, are you…?”

“Why yes, I am,” I announced. “I’m Ad-libb3d, renowned blogger of recent Freshly Pressed fame, whom you’ve obviously recognised from my Gravatar. I’d love to sign something for you, but can it wait until after my meal?”

“No dickhead, I just wanted to know if you are finished using that salt shaker. My table doesn’t have one.”

Oh fame, you are such a fickle temptress.

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68 thoughts on “Freshly Pressed and partying like a rock star. You may now commence your eye-rolling.

    • Damn, is that what I have to look forward to? They can take away my swans, but you can be sure I’ll fight tooth and nail when they come to take away my personal dresser and clothing picker-outer!

      Figners crossed for your Oprah interview. Maybe we’ll end up roomies in some reality tv rehab show with Dr. Phil for the formerly Freshly Pressed…

    • LOL! Actually, when I told her one of my posts was FP’d, she was working on her computer at the time. She barely glanced up and said, “That’s great, dear. It’s your turn to clean the kitchen.”

      I can always count on my family to keep me grounded. :)

  1. I completely missed this! Now I feel like a dickhead.

    HUGE congrats to you sir :) You whole heartedly deserve it. If anything, this should convince you of your writing brilliance.

    Being freshly pressed is absolutely bonkers – I remember waking up and being like, WTF – 2,000 people have visited and it’s only 6:23am!? Enjoy the ride!

    • Thanks Ethel! It was an absolutely crazy few days, to be sure. It’s levelling out now, so I guess that means, as the FP phases go, next comes:

      1) gradual return to normal traffic levels (“Seriously…it’s already 4pm and I’ve had only two views, and one was my mom?”)
      2) grief (“Why does nobody love me anymore?”)
      3) withdrawal and anger (“I have to wait in line at Starbucks?! Do they not know who I am? This is SUCH bullsh!t! I was FRESHLY PRESSED, dammit!”)
      4) ultimate depression leading to eventual homelessness (my cardboard sign will read, “Will tell you about my FP post for a nickel”)

      Still, a fun ride while it lasts though.

  2. Glad I found you, I like your humour. My blog is already a week old and I have had 18 views! 18! About half of them are from two of my own friends which doesn’t count, but still! And one comment! It’s totes happening.
    The Philofelinist applauds you.

  3. I have no idea that you were Freshly Pressed :O
    The ONE time I don’t look at Freshly Pressed was the days you were on it. One of my favourite bloggers. The one weekend where I didn’t go through my reader, or check up on said favourites. I’m sorry I missed it!

    I’m reading it now and congratulations :) You definitely deserved it.

    • Thanks Zestful. Being Freshly Pressed means that the editors at WordPress thought one of your posts was worthwhile enough to be highlighted and shared on their “Freshly Pressed” page.

      In my case, it also means they’ve finally got around to cashing my bribe cheques I’ve been sending them. :)

    • Dammit! I ALWAYS pick the wrong things… I’ll have my new massuese fire Siobhan and Phineas today. I could never pronounce Siobhan properly anyway. I’m keeping my personal shoelace-tyer-upper though. A guy’s gotta keep up certain appearances.

      Thanks for helping me straighten things out, Java. You’re the best.

  4. This made me chuckle like Tiny Tim looking in at a Dickensian Christmas feast. The sight warmed me to the bones while simultaneously reminding me that I have no point of reference to what you’re feeling… except the swan thing, that I totally get. They can be a nightmare when they are overfed, no matter how many times I tell Quinton, he just can’t get to grips with a regular feeding schedule. Well I suppose you get what you pay for.

  5. Oh God you are one funny dude! Again, not in my reader. Would you believe I actually had to take the time to click on your name at the top of the comment you just left me to find this post? I don’t do that for just anyone, and believe me, when your fame fades, and you end up doing commentary on World’s Dumbest, I will be at home not laughing, actually telling my husband that yes, Tonja Harding is funnier than at least one person on that stupid show. So, enjoy it while it lasts, and you should see how much silk robes are going for in the consignment shops in your area, as you may fall on hard times again and need to feed your family some way. I’m totally kidding my friend. Your blend of I’m a badass/I’m a loser is just so damn enjoyable to read. Please quit your day job so you can entertain me (and your thousands of fans) on a more regular basis.

    • The fact that you, the Cheeky Diva, with all your charm, wit, grace and affinity for Haiku, took the time and trouble to CLICK a link to get here warms my soul to no end.

      I vow to use my newfound influence as a Freshly Pressed blogger to hunt down and slay the technology gremlins that have made my posts not appear in your reader.

      That is, as soon as I get my silk robes back from the dry cleaners. Even when slaying technology gremlins, one must keep up appearances, you know.

      • How true. No one likes a shabby future has-been. I was Freshly Pressed EEEEEEooooonsss ago (almost two months) so I will be happy to help you learn to deal with your new found fame. I’m busy right now, writing another post about how wonderful I am, so I’m afraid there will be no lessons tonight. After I’m done I’m sure I will be exhausted, so I’ll be resting. On my laurels, of course.

  6. Pingback: Freshly Pressed? Well I’ll Be Damned! « My Takes

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